Road Rules

I am greedy. I want what is mine. Quite honestly, I want more than what is mine. I want.

One of the things I want is zero traffic on the road with me. I want the way to be clear from where I am, to where I want to be. I do not want traffic jams, or cross traffic, or any sort of light or sign that is not in my favor. I want nothing at all to slow me down between here and there. I want that. I admit it.

Not only that, but I do pay my taxes, and I pay quite a lot. I also follow traffic laws. I vote too. On occasion even have a flash of feeling entitlement where traffic things are concerned.

However, when it comes right down to it, I know that this want is not something I can reasonable expect to have fulfilled. I completely understand that I need to share these public streets with the rest of the public. As such I do not cut people off, cause gridlock, go out of turn at intersections or lay upon my horn just because I am in a pissy mood. I get that it is a requirement that I SHARE.

What I am not nearly so understanding about sharing, is the bit of space on the road that I believe is mine for the using. The part that at any given time my vehicle is momentarily and predictably occupying. On most roads they have designated lanes. These are typically marked by painted lines, usually either white or yellow and some even have little bumpy reminders in case the paint wasn’t enough.

Main Entry: 1lane
Pronunciation: ‘lAn
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lanu; akin to Middle Dutch lane lane
1 : a narrow passageway between fences or hedges
2 : a relatively narrow way or track: as a : an ocean route used by or prescribed for ships b : a strip of roadway for a single line of vehicles

A strip of roadway for a SINGLE line of vehicles.

I consider the space that my car takes up, as well as small but important section of space in front of, and behind my car to be MINE while I am in it. MINE MINE MINE. Stay the fuck out of my space. Your inability to maintain lane control should not be my fucking problem. If you cannot drive a car as wide as you are driving, get a different car. If you are scared of the barrier wall and tend to shy away from it, plan ahead and don’t use that lane. If you cannot steer and talk on the phone at the same time, get off the damn phone. Get off the damn phone anyway. If you just can’t drive properly, stop doing it. I really do not care what it is that is causing you to drift into my lane. Stop it. Stop it, or someday it is really going to piss me off, and that is not going to go well.

Thanks.

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